I totaled my car on Interstate 94 this past Saturday, and as I watched the dust settle from the airbags and stared at the spider web of broken glass on the windshield, I have never felt more calm. This should have been devastating. It should have broken my spirit. The delicate balance of trying to make a living playing music doesn’t allow for such expenses, but rather it made everything lucid. It was time to start living life again.
The trail of people that I love immediately came to my mind. The relationships that I had neglected and hierarchy of priorities that had been misdirected. It didn’t take long for this to crystallize, as I was picked up off the exit ramp by one of my closest friends. He took me back to his place where I was able to meet his newborn child for the first time. As we were driving I asked him if he had a theory on what makes a person truly happy. He said No. Then I asked him if he was happy. He said Yes. That made perfect sense to me.
The best things is life don’t require further analysis. They are intangible pieces of beauty that cannot be expressed, but are rather felt with the blissful naivety of a traveler discovering something for the first time. And as I sat in the midst of my friend who was now a husband and a father, and held “Clara” in my arms, that’s exactly how I felt, like a witness to something profound and meaningful. That is what I want to keep chasing. Moments where I feel everything at once, rather than nothing at all.